You Have No Idea

...places you never go...

I might sneak into
the neighbour’s garden one night
and dig up all her onion bulbs
and turn them upside down.
If the cops drive by
I’ll shove my flashlight
into the muck so they don’t see it,
then I’ll run home
muddy and tired
and laughing all the way
and we’ll drink vodka and orange
for the first time together.
And I might pour sand
in your gas tank
just to see
if it makes that Chevy go,
When it stalls out
on the way to work
I’ll act surprised
but convince you to
leave it where it died,
and drag you back home
to bed. We didn’t
need that job anyway
and that car was a drag
and I’ll work my ass off
to buy you a better one.
I’ll punch you in the mouth
if you swear at my sister
and treat you for shock
and tell jokes
if you put your head through
a plate-glass window,
and guaranteed I’ll charm
the pants right off you
before the ambulance even gets there.
I will cook you dinner
and burn it three times
and start all over again
before I give in and order pizza.
But that burned out heap
wont matter because
we’ll eat naked on the floor
and I will lick pizza grease
off your skin and
your brains will be
so screwed out
you wont care
that there was pineapple or not.
You have no idea
what you’re missing.